The other day while talking to a friend, I found myself saying, "Have you ever met anyone who has done a lot of personal work who has not come to the conclusion that love is what it is all about? I haven't." However, I have been a part of enough spiritual communities to see that this basic understanding is frequently distorted. I have watched people strain to be only their preconceptions of what love is and lose sight of the whole and real experience of being human.

For quite some time, many of us have held the belief that to be spiritual meant ignoring the body and overcoming any emotion that was not considered positive. What might at one time have been useful to us has in my opinion become a handicap. And while we may have overcome this belief to some extent, I believe that it still influences many of our relationships, organizations, and communities. Within some of these communities, we can see this belief in our attempts to stuff our anger and be nice rather than openhearted and honest.

Anger, however, is an essential part of our humanity and therefore our, in my opinion, spirituality.

Most of us have experienced anger that is devoid of love. It is the anger of abuse and prejudice. This anger says you have no right to exist -period. Once we set off on a healing path, we often make a vow that we will no longer engage in this type of thinking let alone any action that looks like anger. We even feel shame sometimes when we act this way. We may strive to be loving and kind, sometimes we may even sacrifice in order to remain this way. This distance from anger can be wonderful and healing as we become less abusive to others and ourselves. However, it can also be detrimental when we take it to such an extreme that we try to eliminate anger and the essential role it plays in our humanness.

I see this as a response to many of the poor uses of anger over time. I believe that when anger is not acknowledged it becomes sublimated into aggression and dominance. When those feelings are externalized they are frequently prized by our culture but are a detriment to those involved when they are internalized they are frequently seen as depression and poor self-esteem. Spiritual practices have warned us about both but have infrequently spoken about how to work with anger.

Anger when used cleanly, is the expression that comes when a boundary is crossed. Anger is an important feeling that helps me be more aware. What we do with this anger and how we respond to this anger becomes a central issue in how our communities, businesses, and relationships grow. If anger is on the surface, meaning it is acknowledged and honored, it flickers like a flame telling us that there is danger if we cross and all the while asking us to appreciate the integrity of the affirmation of being. Anger offers an insight into the sacred essence, the integrity of the other, and demands that we honor it. This is a deeply sacred part of what it means to be alive.